Struggling With Overwhelm?

If you are struggling with overwhelm, you are in good company, everyone deals with overwhelming situations. Whether it is stress from a job or homesteading, everyone struggles to juggle everything that needs to be done. While this post is not specifically for homesteaders, it is where my focus is. Below, I am going to share my tips for dealing with overwhelm as well as how to keep it from happening.

Struggling With Overwhelm

Overwhelm is not a new phenomenon. In fact, people have been dealing with and struggling with overwhelm since the dawn of time. However, right now, we are so overwhelmed as a culture and society that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We are constantly being touched, either physically or digitally, that we are about to lose our minds. Our to do list is 8 miles long and there’s always more being added to it. And “They” say there are all these things we can do to reduce stress and overwhelm.

They Say “Learn To Relax“

I don’t know how you were raised, but I was always taught, you can go outside and play once all your schoolwork and chores are done. And now, as an adult, my work and chores are NEVER done, so I don’t really get to relax. This has caused a TON of guilt and shame when it comes to trying to take a break.

The gurus out there will tell you, just relax! Find something that you enjoy doing and do that.

Well, that’s great! But I’ve spent the better part of 15 years taking care of everyone else, and if I’m being honest, longer than that, that I’m not really sure how to take care of myself. I don’t know HOW to relax! I don’t know what I would do for self care and relaxation.

Sure, I read. But there are days and weeks were I won’t pick up a book…. because I’m either too busy or too exhausted. The idea of going to get my hair done sends my anxiety through the roof. Or getting a mani/pedi is not only out of the budget but pointless with the amount of time I spend in the garden.

They say “Reduce Your Stress“

How in the world do you reduce your stress when you are constantly bombarded with things that require your attention? If you work and homestead, the idea of reducing stress is even more ridiculous. Throw in homeschooling and by the end of the night, you can’t keep your eyes open but your brain is zinging a million miles an hour.

We are expected to do it all, sometimes with little support, and never with all the skills, tools, and supplies to get whatever IT is done. Including the tools to reduce your stress. Because I don’t think our culture wants us to reduce stress. At least not in truly healthy ways. They want us to consume, in whatever form, their antidotes to reduce stress.

They Say “Ask For Help“

Asking for help is the first sign that you need help, right? Wrong. For years, as a culture, we have been begging for help. No matter the problem or difficulty level, when we say “I need help“, we are usually met with some version of “You got this“.

So we have learned through the years that asking for help doesn’t lead to getting help. It leads to an unhealthy mindset of, “Well, I got through it last time. I can do it again this time.” Or the “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mentality. Both of which are incredibly unhealthy and totally normal.

How To ACTUALLY Overcome Overwhelm

If you ever figure out how to overcome your struggles with overwhelm, leave me a comment, because I am just winging it here. I have figured out things that I can do to HELP with overwhelm, but this is not an exhaustive list. In fact, this may not help a single soul. But if we can gather a list between all of us, maybe we can all help each other.

How I Relax

While this may sound unhealthy to some, the biggest way that I have found to help with overwhelm is to completely ignore my responsibilities for a time. Let me explain.

There are many, many times, where I just sit in the garden. I know that 8 mile to do list is standing just outside the garden gate, raging at me that I need to do all these things. But I flip the list the middle finger and just stare at my garden beds. The wayward thoughts of needing to weed, replace plants, and cut back the grass, get thrown over the garden fence to hang out with my to do list. They can rage at me all they want but I’m not doing it….right now.

Other times, I pick up my crochet hook and yarn and just go. It doesn’t matter what I’m making, or not making. It doesn’t matter if the stitches are too big or small, or missed completely. That is not the point of my crochet. It is to give my brain something small to focus on that just doesn’t require a lot of brain power to actually run.

I know that my kids, animals, and land are safe, happy, and relatively well cared for. If I take an hour to myself, it’s going to be ok.

How I Reduce Stress

I would laugh at this if I could… it would be a completely maniacal laugh just so we are clear. There are not many ways to reduce stress when you work full time, run two separate businesses, work two part time jobs, and homeschool your kids. Not to mention being the main planner for your entire family, businesses, and property. It takes a TON of brain power and physical labor, but there are ways to reduce stress.

The first way I reduce stress, and therefore the struggles with overwhelm, is to let it go.

Dogs tore up the couch? Let it go.

Laundry overflowing the baskets? Let it go.

Floors need to be vacuumed and mopped? Let it go.

Garden needs to be weeded? Let it go.

Leaves need to be blown off the walk ways? Let it go.

Cat puked in the bathtub?… Ok, maybe don’t let that one go.

But I have become the master of let it go. In fact, I’m pretty sure there is a whole song about it. But I’ve never heard it.

Letting It Go

At the end of the day, it’s just not worth the stress, headache and mental gymnastics to worry about every single little thing. I tell my boys all the time, does it interfere with what you are trying to accomplish? No? Let it go. It’s just not worth it!

This has a round about effect on reducing stress. It’s a long game because you will still need to do these things. But most of the time those things can wait until you are not stressed to get them done. We have daily chores for each part of the property.

• Sundays are for goats, decks and yard.
• Mondays are for bathrooms, laundry, chickens and ducks.
• Tuesdays are for kitchen, dining room and pigs (which we don’t have anymore).
• Wednesdays are for living room and dogs.
• Thursdays are for trash, gardens and greenhouse.
• Fridays are for the basement.
• Saturdays are for bedrooms and closets.

This means that if it’s not Wednesday, I am NOT cleaning the living room unless something catastrophic has happened. Sure, seeing that the floor needs to be mopped will stick with me, but I fully understand that I just don’t have the time or brain power to deal with it right now. And that’s ok!

Another thing that reduces my stress is letting Jared be my brain. There is a lot of controversy around this one that I really don’t understand. There is something absolutely amazing about not needing to worry about ANYTHING when he’s around. I don’t get my door, I don’t pay, I don’t worry about safety, NOTHING!

How I Ask For Help

My version of asking for help is actually delegation. I have spent years begging and pleading for help. Now? You have your chores to get done. If they don’t get done, I’m not doing them. Rarely, will I ask for help, though it does still happen. But in my case, my kids are teenagers, so that helps a lot.

Recently, I asked Jared to handle the laundry for me because we were running out of clothes. But I was going in for a 48 hour shift and wasn’t going to be able to get it done. Plus, who wants to come home from being at work for 2 days to a pile of laundry. He handled it. Then for the next several weeks, he did all the folding and hanging, all I had to do wash, dry and sort. PS: it’s still going on as of this writing…. SCORE!

Adjusting Your Mindset

Both the American culture and the homesteading culture, has implied or “forced” this idea that if we are not constantly pushing the needle, we are terrible, awful, lazy people. If we don’t work constantly we will never reach our goals! If we dare to not grow tomatoes, we are no better than big Ag who is trying to poison us. Or if we buy bread from the store, we are killing our family with preservatives.

While the last one may be extreme, because I don’t know any homesteaders that are going to tell you that, it is an unspoken judgement. There is this idea that you have to do all the things. You have to cook from scratch, grow huge gardens, raise 100% of your own food, and must homeschool your kids.

The entire time you are driving yourself crazy because you just CAN’T DO IT ALL!

I am here to tell you, be kind to yourself and your family. Learn to let it go. Because I live by this one thought that has served me VERY well over the last year: If I die tomorrow, it’s not my problem.

Talk about freeing!

Stay with me here!!!!!!

Can’t get the garden in according to plan? Okay. If I die tomorrow, it’s not my probelm.

Can’t get the house remodeled? Okay. If I die tomorrow, it’s not my problem.

Didn’t get the dogs to the vet? Okay. If I die tomorrow, it’s not my problem.

We have been conditioned for our entire life that we MUST handle everything because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. You have to tell your family EVERY DAY that you love them. Don’t put off tomorrow something that can be done today. You can’t let your family down!

Um, I hate to break it to you, but if you die tomorrow, not one single point above is going to be YOUR problem. It doesn’t matter what your religious, social or other belief is, you won’t BE HERE! It’s just the harsh, logical reality.

This mindset shift has been the one single thing that has really helped my struggles with overwhelm. Because I was trying so hard to do all the things: working 90+ hours a week, gardens, animals, homeschool, clean, plus, plus, plus. FOR WHAT?

But when I shifted my thinking to remember that the only thing that really matters is myself, my family, my animals, and my land? It broke something in me that allows me to find the joy, relaxation, and happiness from what is around me. I stepped out of the race and entered the slow lane. Because it doesn’t all have to be done today.

While the idea of it won’t be my problem may sound like you’re passing the buck, and you are to a point. It is also reversing an idea that has caused a TON of mental health issues for a lot of people. The idea of getting everything done today has caused an entire generation to not be able to enjoy the things they are work towards. And that is not the point of living.

Be Kind and Give Grace

If there is no other take away from this post or even this blog, it is be kind and give grace. Not just to others, but yourself. You don’t have to get everything done. It’s okay to push back when you are struggling with overwhelm. It’s okay to say, I can’t do this.

But always remember, you can always take the minute you need. Even if it causes a ton of guilt and shame. Take the minute and flip the middle finger to your stressors. You’ll feel better.